Gav
I have laughed and cried (interesting in an open plan office) in reading the messages people have written for you, Madz and the kids. Each day I have thought about what to write and I found a letter I wrote to you (I hope you don’t mind me sharing it) when you were in the thick of it.
7th May 2010
Gav
I have been meaning to write this for so long but my procrastination (and the challenge of working out how to say what I want to say) has got the better of me.
I can barely comprehend the nature and frequency of thoughts that must be going through your head. Nor can I appreciate the true stress that this is placing on you, Madz and your kids. What I do know is that you are equipped to deal with this Gav. This is not an obstacle on your road – it is your road.
When thinking about what is going on for you, my thoughts always go back to the afternoon we sat around your boardroom table and you told me about the experience you went through with the Landmark Education course you attended. My understanding of you that day increased dramatically from that conversation.
At first I was surprised by the strength of the impact that that course had on you. After all, I had always considered you to be a very capable, in control and confident person. The more I listened to you speak the more I became aware of your very real acknowledgement that there were things in your life that had been out of control, out of alignment with what you felt you were really about. What was defining for me was that you had identified with and embraced these aspects of your life that you wanted to take on. I went to that course on the strength of that conversation that day and it confirmed my fundamental belief that the only control we have in our lives is on how we choose to interact with what is happening around us.
What is happening to you, Madz and the kids is brutal. I know that a lot of your mates are there for you right now. The strength of their support is a reflection of what you have given them over the years – in what you have said and more importantly, what you have done with and for them. You have the strength to deal with what is in front of you Gav. More so in what you have done in the last couple of years in addressing the things in your life that you were not happy with.
I came across two passages about five years ago that I typed out, laminated and stuck in my wallet so I could read and think about them. The first one came from a woman that I met at a week long course that I attended when my Dad was dealing with some of the things in his life that he was not happy with. She said that this was her ‘gift’ to me; something for me to consider in my life. I think that it has relevance to you and the situation that you are in.
“Today I will commit myself to detachment. I will allow myself and those around me the freedom to be as they are. I will not rigidly impose my idea of how things should be. I will factor in uncertainty as an essential ingredient of my experience. In my willingness to accept uncertainty, solutions will spontaneously emerge out of the problem, out of the confusion, disorder and chaos. The more uncertain things seem to be, the more secure I will feel, because uncertainty is my path to freedom.”
The other is a quote from Ghandi (bad dress sense but seriously in touch with what was going on).
“Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your actions. Keep your actions positive because your actions become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.”
You destiny is to live a happy, full and free life. You are on the road Gav. This is the tough part of it. When it is behind you it will just be one of the many parts of what has made you.
Your acceptance, positivity and integrity is inspirational Gav. You spoke about the need to be present, to get rid of the rackets, to accept the things that were out of your control (in reality the only single thing in your own control is how you respond to what life throws up).
You have nailed it Gav. You are the man you knew you should be – and so much more.
Love Finners
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